Conversation skills

Fatal Mistakes that Kill Conversations

And how can you avoid them?

By Jessica Wildfire

If you want people to enjoy talking to you, you need to make everyone feel better — a little smarter, a little calmer.

If people feel like it is a chore to talk to you, they would just want it to end and afterward, they would need a drink.

A good conversationalist is a good listener. They’re responsive. A good conversation is simple, and it’s actually not hard with a little practice. You don’t have to be a conversation genius.

The best conversations have a few things in common — a mix of funny stories, factoids, anecdotes, observations, and questions. Or if they’re serious, they show sincerity and respect. That’s pretty much it.

Most of the time, intentionally trying to be a good conversationalist is what normally kills conversation.

Just avoid irritating people.

Like great conversations, the worst ones also have a handful of things in common — usually it’s someone using conversation as a means to another end.

Arguing

Being too serious and Being a buzzkill

Claiming to know what you don’t know

Complaining and Venting

Dancing around the point

Forcing advice on someone

Humble bragging

Impatience

Interrupting

Ignoring all body language

Kissing invisible ass

Making it all about you and Showing little interest in others

Pointing out the super obvious

Pulling rank

Refusing to ever pause during conversations

Showing Superiority complex and Being judgemental

Stubbornness

Trying to push an agenda during conversations

Trying to bullshit everyone

Conversation isn’t that hard

All you have to do for a good conversation is show up and let go. Ask simple questions. Weekend plans. Hobbies. Books or articles they’ve read. Places they’ve been. Old jobs.

Cycle through these tasks at the start of every chat. First, check on their emotional state - are they happy, sad, bored, excited? After that, perform an activity check - what is the subscriber doing, did they have a tough day?

What’s their favorite drink?

It’s not the first question you ask, it’s the follow ups — the five Ws (who, what, when, where, why). Get the other person to expand and elaborate. Why is it their favorite drink? When they did first try it? Then you tell them your favorite drink. Before you know it, you’ve learned a lot about someone in just an hour — more than you thought possible.

The problem is that we walk into conversations with grand plans and expectations. We want to promote ourselves and look smart. A conversation isn’t a dance off. It’s a waltz. Some conversations are better than others. Sometimes they just die. But if you avoid these flaws, at least you won’t be the one who killed it.